As you may know, I am currently expecting a baby in May. When I used to imagine pregnancy as this hypothetical, may-never-happen scenario, I thought that it would be a magical, "I'm at peace" type of experience. I thought about what my growing stomach would represent - life, a new beginning, love. I thought about "the glow" that you would radiate, like your own personal sunshine.

Well, that's not exactly what I've experienced.

You know the comments: Are you sure you aren't having twins? Whoa, you've really gotten big! That baby is going to be huge! You look even bigger today than you did yesterday. Are you sure you're going to make it?

I know they mean well, so I smile and give one of my prepared "I know" responses. But inside? I feel defeated. I feel judged. I feel completely uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel that every minute of every day is an opportunity for someone to label my body. There are mornings when I get dressed and I look in the mirror feeling really good about myself...then I go out in public, receive the verdict on my personal appearance, and instantly get put back in my place. A place that I haven't been in a long time. I DO have to note that I have MANY loving, encouraging, and accepting individuals in my life who help pull me back up and dust off my insecurities. And, like I said earlier, I don't think the negative comments are meant to be negative. It's like a well-meaning gift wrapped in sandpaper. It stings to open it, but it's not malicious.

For the majority of my life, I've been content with my body. It was able to move easily, fit into the clothes I wanted to wear, and had a sort of "invisibility cloak" that exempted me (for the most part) from public scrutiny. Now, I have to adjust to a completely different set of life experiences and expectations for what my day is going to look like. I find myself wanting to stay inside, avoiding the awkward encounters.

Recently, I REALLY got to thinking. What would I tell a student who felt judged for his or her appearance? I'd advise them to tell people how they felt. Have I done that? No, I haven't. My instinct was to protect the jury from embarrassment or guilt by being "nice." I also felt that their judgment of my body had to be right, so it became my inner monologue. I started to worry so much about hearing those words that when they happened, it confirmed the ever-booming voice in my head: "See, there IS something wrong with you."

Check out these sections of my website:
Classroom-Based Counseling
Small Group Counseling
Individual Counseling

At my District Leadership Team meeting this evening, we opened with this very entertaining and also VERY enlightening video from TEDx Talks. The presenter, Shawn Achor, discusses how happiness can positively impact our lives, including how successful we feel at work, home, and beyond.

I think this would be a great video to show at a staff meeting or to cut into segments to discuss with older students. I would like to use these concepts to help my 6th graders, in particular, find better ways to deal with stress, disappointment, frustration, and failure. There are some aspects of the talk that may be inappropriate for your intended population, so be sure to view and decide which sections, if any, you'd like to share with those specific individuals.

Just watch. You will be glad you did.

Let me know your ideas in the comments section! :)

I've been meaning to write this post for a while now, but haven't been able to find the words to adequately express my thoughts on the subject. Gifted Education is one of those topics that causes my head and heart to merge, creating a swirl of ideas, memories, thoughts, and feelings. Flashes of my old classrooms and peers pour into my mind, pushing all rationality to the bottom, almost as if I'm drowning in the past.

Okay, this is a little dramatic, but hey, I'm a little dramatic.

The rest of this post is just a snapshot of my thoughts on the subject of Gifted Education and may not be particularly useful, but I still wanted to put it out there.

When I was in 3rd grade, I remember being isolated from the rest of my class so I could work on different assignments. In 4th grade, I began our district's Gifted Education program (G.A.T.E.). I was taken out of my classroom 2 days a week to practice critical thinking skills and spend time with other kids who qualified. I don't remember having any of this explained to me. It just became a part of my school life.

I loved my G.A.T.E. classes and wanted to share what I was learning with my friends...it turns out that they did not want to know. In fact, my closest friends made fun of me, hid from me at recess, and I remember crying almost every day at school. I started to feel like standing out was a bad thing because it made other people uncomfortable - it made you lose friends, a currency worth more than gold in the school world. I began to slack off by rushing through my homework, quitting my favorite clubs or groups if my friends didn't make the cut, and pretending like I knew less than I did. By 8th grade, I decided to quit G.A.T.E. and take other lower level classes instead. Since my junior high grades were good (straight A's), no one said anything to me. No one asked why I was doing what I was doing. All I wanted was to fight my urge to push myself and stand out, but felt forced into a little box.   

It took me years to overcome the little voice in my head saying, "Don't make other people uncomfortable." I wish I was able to have the confidence to be my authentic self back in elementary school when the pressure to conform was strongest. I wish someone would have noticed that my tears and my subtle withdrawal was more than just me being a sensitive kid. It was me feeling like I could never fit in no matter what group I was in. I felt like I wasn't smart enough for the G.A.T.E. kids and wasn't cool enough for the rest of my class. I was a misfit, just finding ways to cover up who I really was with different clothes, different hobbies, and a different personality.

School struggles of any kind don't just go away. In fact, as I re-read this post I can't help but want to delete what I've written out of fear of being misunderstood. Feelings of self-doubt and self-loathing are villains that are difficult to overcome without some help, but that's why there are school counselors, right?!

As school counselors, we can help our gifted students (a population typically pushed to the side because they are "easier") find the confidence they need to achieve great things. We can teach them social skills, organization, goal-setting, and stress management. We can be their safe place to vent. We can remind them that even if they feel alone now, it gets better. The world is a big place with big possibilities. They will find lasting friendships with those who will appreciate and challenge them. We can remind them to never give up.

I hope my story feels more educational than self-indulgent. Of course, it DOES feel good to express the feelings I bottled up for so long, so maybe it was a little self-indulgent. I just want school counselors to remember this population of students because it's easy to leave them behind.

Thanks for listening. :)

Davidson Institute for Talent Development www.davidsongifted.org
Jim Delisle www.creativelearningconsultants.com/jimdelisle.html
Top Blogs http://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2013/08/top-blogs-about-gifted-children-gifted.html

Cookie was there during major moments in my life. She was by my side, "hugging me" when I was going through a rough break-up, when my grandparents died, when I went away to college and felt like I was losing all of my friends, when my dad was fighting cancer, when I was sick and needed comfort, when my husband (then boyfriend) was studying abroad for a year...she was the one who never judged. She was the one who stood by everyone in my family and loved us for exactly who we were.

Sadly, I had to say goodbye to my little girl yesterday morning. My dad called, telling me she was in pain and that they needed to take her to the vet. I left school to be there and watched Cookie slip into a peaceful sleep. I went back to work, completely unprepared for how this would affect me. I thought about her face and the last goofy smile she gave me before she was gone. It was difficult to focus on anything else. My overly-dramatic "my life is not complete without a dog" mantra was true; I certainly felt emptier without her.

I often work with students who have lost a family pet and are struggling with their grief. It's hard to explain death to students without crossing the line religiously (if you're in a public school) or without scaring them more. How do we comfort a 5-year-old who misses her cat? How do we answer a 10-year-old's honest questions about where his hamster went after she died? 

I have a number of grief resources here, but I thought it would be helpful to add a few that were specific to pet loss.

Have you ever worked with a student who pushes your buttons? Have you ever felt like you weren't making a difference in your students' lives? Oh, wait...who hasn't? To over simplify things, school counselors are in charge of their school's climate. Unfortunately, stuff happens, even when you have a great proactive program in place. The thing about working with people is that they aren't robots - go figure! They are unpredictable, exposed to a variety of stimuli, and often react passionately to their surroundings.

So, as we gear-up for 2013-2014, how can we prepare for those days when we want to run from our buildings? Well, here's a little dose of hope. You may have heard about the controversial Cheerios commercial that aired recently. The following video is how kids reacted to it and their responses will (I hope) remind you that our youngest generation is beautiful, loving, and gentle...even under their sometimes rough exterior. There is hope that our world is becoming more empathic and open-minded.

Anyway, watch this video. This year, try to remember the sweet, innocent child inside that grouchy 6th grader. ;)

Last night, I watched two fabulous educational films from Professor Child, a company created by three mothers, Rory Kidder, Jenni O’Keefe, and Sharon Richards. The mission of Professor Child is to empower children during difficult life events. As the founders explain, "children have a powerful voice that is relatable, healing and hopeful. Ultimately, we want children to know they are not alone in what they are experiencing and that much can be learned by simply listening to another child’s story" (Professor Child, About Us). 

Their documentary-style films feature a variety of children who have all experienced a specific topic. The children share their stories, what has helped, what they wish for, advice for other kids, and more. 

As an added bonus, each film comes with a free companion workbook to provide opportunities for further discussion and reflection. 

As school counselors, we are responsible for helping children cope with a variety of difficult circumstances. It can be a challenge to start a group about grief or divorce. Maybe the group dynamics, personality wise, are off. Maybe you don't have enough students in a particular grade level to start a group and therefore, cannot offer this service. Maybe students who could join the group feel uncomfortable speaking about their situation in front of others and would prefer individual counseling. So, what can you do to help students dealing with divorce or grief know that they are not alone? Well, I think these films are a wonderful resource to fit this particular need.

You could show the film based on the chapters that best address your students' needs or use the chapters for different group sessions as an introduction to the day's lesson.

Also, you can look forward to future films from Professor Child called "Siblings and Autism" and "Children of Military Families."

To purchase one or both of these films ("Children and Grief" and "Children and Divorce"), visit Professor Child online. You can order a DVD or a digital copy. Plus, you can download both companion workbooks for FREE. I strongly recommend these resources for your elementary school counseling practice. Check them out today!

Are you a director, writer, or production company? Do you have an educational film that you would like me to review on my blog? If so, contact me at . I'd be happy to check out your work and spread the word to my readers.

I sort of hate to admit this, but I often wonder if my students will still like me? Right now, being one of the younger staff members in my building, I have the "cool" factor. In many ways, I'm like their big sister or their aunt. We're not equals, but we have a smaller generational gap to close. I get them and they get me.

I also worry about emotional fatigue. Will I be able to deal with the stress of this career for 35 years? How will I feel about my life at that point? Will I feel like I've made a difference or will I feel like I misused the time I had during my younger years?

I guess, in the end, all we can do is live in the moment and do the best we can. We may not be able to stop the train, but we can focus on the present. After all, in the coming years, those will be our "good ol' days" that we're striving to get back to. We might as well enjoy them now. 

In the spirit of this type of self-reflection, I thought I'd share a video (above). It does a wonderful job explaining what the "real world" feels like. No one can prepare you for what it's really like to be on your own as a school counselor, including how to deal with outside stressors while still performing your many school counseling duties.

For those of you who have yet to join the profession, please don't think I mean to scare you away from, in my opinion, one of the best jobs there is. I am, however, trying to give you the heads-up that may prevent you leaving the field once you're in it. We often have an idealistic view of the helping professions, thinking we can save the world. Well, I still am quite the optimist, but I now know that saving the world shouldn't be my barometer for success. You have to accept the failures to appreciate the little victories. You have to go to work each day knowing that things probably won't go as planned, that a student may make a bad choice, that a co-worker may be struggling and take it out on you, that a parent may believe their child's story over their teacher's and call you to express their anger.

It's easy to let these unexpected events drag you down. Why is this happening to me?

Well, those who are frustrating you may be saying the same thing to themselves. When we're stuck in traffic, we are angry at those in front of us for not moving quickly enough, almost as if we're not part of the problem - "they" are. If we take a step back, we might realize that those cars behind us are probably feeling the same way...about US.

So, watch the video. Remind yourself why you want to be a school counselor. Recognize that kids and adults who act out are probably responding to difficult circumstances. Take a moment to appreciate your success stories, forgive the missteps, and remember..."This is Water."