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What it Means to be "Bad"

4/18/2014

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A few weeks ago, I was listening to a This American Life episode called "Bad Baby," which discussed some cases of extreme behaviors in children, the prognosis for overcoming those behaviors, and why the "badness" started in the first place.

I only have my 5 years of school counseling experience to draw on, but I've seen many students exhibit intense behaviors (i.e. biting, hitting, running, swearing, threatening, etc.). I have some interventions in my back pocket and some that I make up on the fly out of necessity, but it can be difficult to discern what those students truly need. We observe, experiment with behavior plans, track and analyze data, attempt to determine the function of certain behaviors...but sometimes, our efforts just don't work. It can be frustrating for a school building to work so hard for seemingly no results. Parents feel helpless because they are often dealing with the same behaviors (perhaps even more intense versions of them) at home. Other students may be scared. So...how can we help a student in crisis? I wish the answer was as simple as finding the last remaining puzzle piece and putting it into place.

Unfortunately, I offer no answers in this post, just questions. I encourage you to listen to this episode - SERIOUSLY, you won't regret it.

Post your thoughts about extreme student behaviors in the comment section. Have great tips? Please post those too! :)
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Mix it Up Model School Award

4/12/2014

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My school was just named a Mix it Up Model School through Teaching Tolerance! Want to host your own Mix it Up at Lunch Day and try for the 2015 Model School honor? Then check out the video podcast below and my Mix it Up page to learn how I run my program.
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That's What She Said

4/1/2014

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As you may know, I am currently expecting a baby in May. When I used to imagine pregnancy as this hypothetical, may-never-happen scenario, I thought that it would be a magical, "I'm at peace" type of experience. I thought about what my growing stomach would represent - life, a new beginning, love. I thought about "the glow" that you would radiate, like your own personal sunshine.

Well, that's not exactly what I've experienced.
I struggled with getting pregnant so I thought I'd take everything in stride. I promised myself that no matter what, I wouldn't complain, because I was lucky to have this experience. Of course, I still understand that...I know that...it's just hard to remember sometimes.

The worst part for me is the constant (and I mean CONSTANT) feedback I get from family, friends, and complete strangers. When I say feedback, I mean feedback on my appearance. I've been publicly assessed through every stage of my pregnancy and the public has determined that overall, I'm not up to snuff.
You know the comments: Are you sure you aren't having twins? Whoa, you've really gotten big! That baby is going to be huge! You look even bigger today than you did yesterday. Are you sure you're going to make it?

I know they mean well, so I smile and give one of my prepared "I know" responses. But inside? I feel defeated. I feel judged. I feel completely uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel that every minute of every day is an opportunity for someone to label my body. There are mornings when I get dressed and I look in the mirror feeling really good about myself...then I go out in public, receive the verdict on my personal appearance, and instantly get put back in my place. A place that I haven't been in a long time. I DO have to note that I have MANY loving, encouraging, and accepting individuals in my life who help pull me back up and dust off my insecurities. And, like I said earlier, I don't think the negative comments are meant to be negative. It's like a well-meaning gift wrapped in sandpaper. It stings to open it, but it's not malicious.

For the majority of my life, I've been content with my body. It was able to move easily, fit into the clothes I wanted to wear, and had a sort of "invisibility cloak" that exempted me (for the most part) from public scrutiny. Now, I have to adjust to a completely different set of life experiences and expectations for what my day is going to look like. I find myself wanting to stay inside, avoiding the awkward encounters.

Recently, I REALLY got to thinking. What would I tell a student who felt judged for his or her appearance? I'd advise them to tell people how they felt. Have I done that? No, I haven't. My instinct was to protect the jury from embarrassment or guilt by being "nice." I also felt that their judgment of my body had to be right, so it became my inner monologue. I started to worry so much about hearing those words that when they happened, it confirmed the ever-booming voice in my head: "See, there IS something wrong with you."

As a society, we appear to be moving forward. We have shed light on the digital enhancement of professional photographs. We have included plus-sized models in fashion events. We have a "new and improved" doll (right) modeled after an average-sized American 19-year-old. But...we still adjust our photos, we label women "plus-sized," and we celebrate a victory for women based on how a doll LOOKS.

Megan McCormick wrote an interesting piece about the Lammily doll, saying she didn't care what it looks like. McCormick reminds her readers that the public isn't outraged over the ripped physique of superhero figures. Why? Well, as she puts it, "when you think of Superman, you don’t think about his six pack or his rippling muscles. You think about what he can do—the lives he saves, the incredible feats he achieves, even his personality. His appearance isn’t your first priority." In other words, it shouldn't matter what Barbie looks like - we should be focusing on what she can DO.
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If you haven't checked out the "That's What She Said" series from Soulpancake, here's one of the episodes. Women discuss their experiences with beauty and body image; it's amazing how universal these feelings of inadequacy are. For the most part, we have all been judged for our outward appearance, reaping the benefits of what society feels is beautiful or suffering the consequences of not measuring up to the high standards.

The poem at the end is hopeful and empowering. It allowed me to take a step back and enjoy my body for what it's providing - life.


Want to teach your students about self-esteem?

Check out these sections of my website:
Classroom-Based Counseling
Small Group Counseling
Individual Counseling
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    My name is Marissa Rex and I am a 1st Grade teacher and an elementary school counselor from Ohio. I hope you enjoy my site!

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