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Film Review: Children of Military Families

9/6/2014

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You may remember a film review I wrote a little over a year ago about Professor Child's wonderful films, Children and Grief and Children and Divorce. I recently watched another film called Children of Military Families.

This production is just as great as the other two! The film stars real children discussing the real struggle of having a parent in the military serving overseas. There are a variety of age groups and ethnicities, and feature both male and female children. The advice and stories feel truly authentic, not scripted or forced the way many resources can be.
I have numerous students who struggle with the stress, fear, and confusion that can come with a parent who has been deployed (or will be deployed). It can be difficult to find quality materials for these individuals and their families; I am so excited to share this new film with my school community!

I highly recommend that you check out these films at Professor Child's website and consider purchasing your own copies. Trust me. They are worth it! Although the topics are intense, the films are hopeful and remind you that you are not alone.

You can purchase a digital version of the film (available for immediate digital download) or a DVD. Additionally, Professor Child offers a FREE workbook that includes over 50 pages of thought-provoking discussion questions and creative exercises. The workbook is divided into 12 chapters that correspond directly with the film, which makes things even easier for busy school counselors. Plus, did I mention it's FREE?! ;)

Are you a director, writer, or production company? Do you have an educational film that you would like me to review on my blog? If so, contact me at marissa@elementaryschoolcounseling.org. I'd be happy to check out your work and spread the word to my readers.
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I Remember

1/14/2014

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When I was younger, I begged my parents for a pet. "My life is not complete without a dog," I'd say...over and OVER again. I went to my local library and researched dogs - how to train them, how to determine if a potential dog is right for you, etc. My parents still did not seem convinced.

Exactly 1 week after my 14th birthday, we received a phone call from my aunt who told us that her dog, to her surprise, just had puppies. Needless to say, my aunt's frustration combined with my research-based whining weakened my parents' defenses long enough for them to say, "Okay, fine."

Before I knew it, we were bringing our darling Cookie home.
Cookie was there during major moments in my life. She was by my side, "hugging me" when I was going through a rough break-up, when my grandparents died, when I went away to college and felt like I was losing all of my friends, when my dad was fighting cancer, when I was sick and needed comfort, when my husband (then boyfriend) was studying abroad for a year...she was the one who never judged. She was the one who stood by everyone in my family and loved us for exactly who we were.

Sadly, I had to say goodbye to my little girl yesterday morning. My dad called, telling me she was in pain and that they needed to take her to the vet. I left school to be there and watched Cookie slip into a peaceful sleep. I went back to work, completely unprepared for how this would affect me. I thought about her face and the last goofy smile she gave me before she was gone. It was difficult to focus on anything else. My overly-dramatic "my life is not complete without a dog" mantra was true; I certainly felt emptier without her.
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I often work with students who have lost a family pet and are struggling with their grief. It's hard to explain death to students without crossing the line religiously (if you're in a public school) or without scaring them more. How do we comfort a 5-year-old who misses her cat? How do we answer a 10-year-old's honest questions about where his hamster went after she died? 

I have a number of grief resources here, but I thought it would be helpful to add a few that were specific to pet loss.
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I Remember is about a little boy whose dog became sick and died. The boy dealt with grief. He could not stop crying and no longer enjoyed the activities that used to make him happy. Over time, the pain subsided and the boy was able to think about the happy memories with his dog and enjoy life again.
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Houdini Was is a true story (written and illustrated by a 2nd Grade class) about a class pet named Houdini. The book was a way for the students to express their grief, but in a positive, productive way. In the book, the students say that they are choosing to be happy because Houdini was special to them and they want to remember all of the great things about her, not just the sadness they feel right now.
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Dog Heaven, also available in Cat Heaven, is a way to comfort pet owners of any age. Due to public school policies, this should be used with discretion. Dog Heaven may be a great resource to send home so an entire family can read it together. It could also be a jumping off point for a student to create his/her own book to imagine what a pet is doing in heaven.
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Another helpful grief activity is having a student create a memory book. You can purchase a set of softcover books or hardcover books that students can draw their memories in. Also, I will sometimes call parents and ask permission for extra photographs that the student can add, making the final product even more personal and comforting.

I typically work on these books in individual school counseling sessions over the course of a few months. Each session, we work on a couple pages of memories. This can also be done effectively in a small group.
Finally, if you have access to pictures (and even video), you can help your student create a slideshow of the person or animal who died. Then, the student can think of the song that represents that person or animal’s life the best and add that to the video. The final product is a beautiful tribute to their loved one.

I created the video on the right to remember Cookie. I can honestly say that it helped me cope with my grief. Maybe it would help your students too. :)
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The Mousetrap

1/8/2014

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In June 2013, I auditioned for The Mousetrap at The Valentine Studio A Theatre. Not only would this mark my seventh show in a row, but it would also be my first "professional" theatre credit.

We rehearsed for over three months, sometimes 5 nights a week. For my role, I had to hone my dialect skills, learn fight choreography, brush up on British history, and prepare for some intense, emotional scenes.

As always, this show taught me a great deal about myself. Most importantly, I learned how to push WAY out of my comfort zone. Since I was a portraying a character with significant stage time and dialogue, I had to be extremely focused. It's not just about the lines, it's how you interact with those around you and the story you tell with your performance. I was lucky enough to work with an amazing theatre, talented actors, a demanding director (in the best sense of the word), and a well-organized stage manager who made this possible.
When our show closed, however, this was not the end of the story.

On a happy note, during the production, I learned that I was pregnant. Yes, I was performing, moving into a new house, kicking off a new school year (with my first intern), and carrying a tiny life. There were moments when I felt like I didn't have the energy to get out of bed and start another LONG day, especially since I temporarily lost my evenings and much of my weekends to rehearsals, performances, and putting together a new home. Somehow, though, I made it and now have a cool story to tell my little actor.

On a sad note, after our production closed, one of my friends died unexpectedly - someone who was close to many in our theatre community. I was lucky to have the support of fellow actors and crew members, but it didn't stop the grief from affecting me professionally. At work, I still taught my classroom lessons, ran my small groups, remained focused during individual sessions...I just found myself, when left to the quiet of my office, jumping from thought to thought, task to task. Minutes felt like hours. I came home with bottled up emotions that would fizz and bubble beneath the surface, just waiting for something small to jar my senses so they could explode.

Luckily, I have only known a few tragedies in my life that have occurred during a school year that have affected me this deeply. However, when it does happen, I forget how to function. Even when we don't have personal stress and grief, our work is emotionally and physically draining. How can we take care of ourselves while still being effective school counselors? Grief does not go away overnight, it's a process. We simply can't stay home and avoid our offices until the most intense feelings subside. So, how do we do it?

I'm still trying to answer this question...a question that, ironically, my character in The Mousetrap found herself struggling with as well. I suppose all we can do is breathe, listen to our hearts, and accept the love and support that is all around us. Then, we may just find the peace we need to make it through the worst moments.

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Production photos courtesy of Todd Michaels.
2 Comments

Moving Forward

7/30/2013

9 Comments

 
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You may have heard about a captivating poster series created by graphic designer, Khoa Ho, that depicts the origins of various superheroes. What I love about these thought-provoking posters is that they are simple, yet powerful. Children could look at these images and understand the general message. However, school counselor friends, I think we could go beyond that.

As described on Khoa Ho's website, "everyone has a memory, a past. It's the driving force behind all of our actions for our present, our future." That statement got my school counselor wheels turning - isn't that what we teach our students?! Our experiences shape our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and understanding that connection can help unlock the secret to making better choices. These posters reinforce that "despite the trials of our past, what we choose to do moving forward is much more important to us and the world we share."
So, you could use the superhero images to introduce a variety of topics: identifying and expressing feelings, positive school behaviors, making and keeping friends, self-esteem, etc. I often use superheroes (and other pop culture references) to address the ASCA standards. Kids love it and more importantly, remember it.

One activity could be a self-portrait, like the example on the right. Start by having students draw a basic outline of themselves in pencil. This is who they are now, which can be represented in a specific pose. Then, have students reflect on what caused that change. How did they become the person they are today? That image is put inside their bigger drawing. The example shows a confident, independent person who is not afraid to be noticed, which came from being singled out and teased. I would use this activity with my older students (4th - 6th). 

 "It's not who you are underneath. It's what you do that defines you." - Batman Begins
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Film Review: Professor Child

6/21/2013

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Last night, I watched two fabulous educational films from Professor Child, a company created by three mothers, Rory Kidder, Jenni O’Keefe, and Sharon Richards. The mission of Professor Child is to empower children during difficult life events. As the founders explain, "children have a powerful voice that is relatable, healing and hopeful. Ultimately, we want children to know they are not alone in what they are experiencing and that much can be learned by simply listening to another child’s story" (Professor Child, About Us). 

Their documentary-style films feature a variety of children who have all experienced a specific topic. The children share their stories, what has helped, what they wish for, advice for other kids, and more. 

As an added bonus, each film comes with a free companion workbook to provide opportunities for further discussion and reflection. 

Children and Grief

In this film, children share their stories of losing a loved one. Some kids are dealing with the loss of a parent, while others with a sibling, uncle, or grandparent. Each child's experience and response to death is different, which allows the viewer to see a little of him or herself in the film. This is crucial because many children (and even adults) feel alone as they manage their grief; it is an incredibly private, yet universal, experience.

While not particularly "sad" in an over-indulgent sort of way, still be prepared to have strong emotions come to the surface as you listen to the heartfelt stories. A+

Children and Divorce

This film, while similar in structure, has a different sort of feel. There is not a huge variety of experiences or ethnicities as we see in "Children and Grief," but the stories are still meaningful and quite helpful.

The children in this film describe their personal experiences with divorce, what it means to them, how it has changed their lives, what has helped, and more. I especially enjoyed hearing the advice that the kids gave, which could have a tremendously positive impact on children at various stages of the divorce process. A

Why You Should Purchase Your Own Copies:

As school counselors, we are responsible for helping children cope with a variety of difficult circumstances. It can be a challenge to start a group about grief or divorce. Maybe the group dynamics, personality wise, are off. Maybe you don't have enough students in a particular grade level to start a group and therefore, cannot offer this service. Maybe students who could join the group feel uncomfortable speaking about their situation in front of others and would prefer individual counseling. So, what can you do to help students dealing with divorce or grief know that they are not alone? Well, I think these films are a wonderful resource to fit this particular need.

You could show the film based on the chapters that best address your students' needs or use the chapters for different group sessions as an introduction to the day's lesson.

Also, you can look forward to future films from Professor Child called "Siblings and Autism" and "Children of Military Families."

To purchase one or both of these films ("Children and Grief" and "Children and Divorce"), visit Professor Child online. You can order a DVD or a digital copy. Plus, you can download both companion workbooks for FREE. I strongly recommend these resources for your elementary school counseling practice. Check them out today!

Are you a director, writer, or production company? Do you have an educational film that you would like me to review on my blog? If so, contact me at marissa@elementaryschoolcounseling.org. I'd be happy to check out your work and spread the word to my readers.
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Book Review: Blowing Bubbles

2/16/2013

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I recently read a wonderful new book by Kathleen Cherry called Blowing Bubbles. The story is about a boy, Josh, and his grandfather; they love to go on excursions, like riding roller coasters and racing go-karts. They have a great relationship until one day, Grandpa George has a stroke.

Josh has a difficult time coping with these changes - the hospital is boring and smells funny, his stomach hurts when he thinks about what happened, his grandpa can't speak...everything is different and Josh doesn't know what to do.

School counselors work with students like Josh almost every day, but it can be challenging to find quality resources to help children cope with illness and aging. Kathleen Cherry, a school counselor herself, created this beautiful story to fill that void. I definitely recommend this heartfelt and honest book. Check it out!

For more information, check out the Blowing Bubbles website. 

Are you an author? Do you have a book that you would like me to review on my blog? If so, contact me at marissa@elementaryschoolcounseling.org. I'd be happy to check out your work and spread the word to my readers.
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Pets Are Family

6/27/2012

9 Comments

 
I was being lazy on the couch this afternoon and stumbled upon an HBO documentary called One Nation Under Dog: Stories of Fear, Loss and Betrayal. This film deeply affected me; in fact, I have spent the last few hours crying and thinking about my own childhood dog, Cookie.
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Dogs are a special type of animal - they love you without question and support you, regardless of whether you are at your best or your worst. It is easy to hear about the loss of a pet and wonder why the owner is grieving so profoundly. As school counselors, we must be sensitive to our students' and their families' needs. Grief over a pet can affect a student at school just as much, if not more, than the loss of a human being. In some cases, students are able to connect with their pet in a way they cannot or have not with anyone else.
This is the reason I want to incorporate a therapy dog into my school counseling practice. Of course, I need to wait until I get a house with a yard, but I have been planning this in my head for a while. Having a trained dog at my school could motivate students (imagine earning time to walk, feed, or play with the dog) and provide an even more calming office environment. Of course, I need to talk with other school counselors about how they dealt with students or staff with a fear of dogs, especially if a student had been attacked by an animal in the past. Any thoughts? 
Finally, I wanted to share one of my favorite books about the death of a pet. I Remember is a story about a little boy and his dog, Jake. When Jake dies, the boy must find a way to cope with the loss without feeling guilty and worried about forgetting Jake.

Also, for the appropriate situation, Dog Heaven and Cat Heaven are two additional books that you may find helpful.
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For the pet owners out there, give your "babies" a big hug for me! I'll do the same, but I can't promise my cats will enjoy it. They can be a little moody, haha. ;)

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Do you have a great pet story? Have you ever run a small group that focused on dealing with the loss of a pet? If so, comment below!
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Big Bad Cancer

6/24/2012

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This July will mark my 3rd year volunteering with Camp Quality Ohio, a volunteer-run summer camp for children with cancer and their siblings. I work as a companion, which means that I am paired with one child for the entire week. My job is to be my camper's friend and mentor, but most of all, my job is to make sure that he or she has FUN!

When thinking about children with cancer, we often picture little kids with no hair, hospital beds, and IV's. We tend to forget about the other kids who suffer: siblings. I wanted to share two powerful videos to help remind all of us to treat all students, even those who are struggling more indirectly, with kindness and understanding.
Want to volunteer at a Camp Quality near you?
Contact your state camp for more information. Also, please feel free to contact me with questions.
Within the next few days, I plan to post my resources for both illness and grief. These will go in my individual and small group counseling sections. Stay tuned!
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    My name is Marissa Rex and I am a 1st Grade teacher and an elementary school counselor from Ohio. I hope you enjoy my site!

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