I try my hardest to avoid gender stereotyping. I often hear adults explain a student's behavior based on what society expects from boys and girls. You've heard it before...

                        "He's just a boy. He's going to hit someone if they start something."
                        "She's just a girl. She's a little emotional sometimes."

There are countless variations, but the message is the same: Boys are strong, confident, and aggressive; girls are gentle, sweet, and emotional. When little boys fall, we tell them they are fine and to dust themselves off. When little girls scrape their knees, we hug them and wipe their tears away. We, as a society, send a clear message about what we expect from each gender and we do this often without realizing it.

Is this a big deal, you may be asking? I know branching out and expanding our minds when it comes to gender stereotyping can be threatening to those who fear change. It can be threatening when an individual may benefit from the stereotype and/or when he or she genuinely enjoys their role. What I worry about is the shame boys and girls feel when they don't fit in. I worry about the box they feel stuck in and the environment that's stifling their development.

So, where am I going with this? Well, school counselors have an opportunity to expose students to different ideas and encourage their interests and special skills. We can help a young girl who loves math gain the confidence she needs to stick with her advanced coursework and join math-related clubs, even if there are few females doing the same. We can support a boy who loves to dance more than he loves shooting hoops. We can love the students who DO fit their gender stereotypes and find ways to help them love, respect, and understand those who don't. And vice versa.

As you may know, I am currently expecting a baby in May. When I used to imagine pregnancy as this hypothetical, may-never-happen scenario, I thought that it would be a magical, "I'm at peace" type of experience. I thought about what my growing stomach would represent - life, a new beginning, love. I thought about "the glow" that you would radiate, like your own personal sunshine.

Well, that's not exactly what I've experienced.

You know the comments: Are you sure you aren't having twins? Whoa, you've really gotten big! That baby is going to be huge! You look even bigger today than you did yesterday. Are you sure you're going to make it?

I know they mean well, so I smile and give one of my prepared "I know" responses. But inside? I feel defeated. I feel judged. I feel completely uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel that every minute of every day is an opportunity for someone to label my body. There are mornings when I get dressed and I look in the mirror feeling really good about myself...then I go out in public, receive the verdict on my personal appearance, and instantly get put back in my place. A place that I haven't been in a long time. I DO have to note that I have MANY loving, encouraging, and accepting individuals in my life who help pull me back up and dust off my insecurities. And, like I said earlier, I don't think the negative comments are meant to be negative. It's like a well-meaning gift wrapped in sandpaper. It stings to open it, but it's not malicious.

For the majority of my life, I've been content with my body. It was able to move easily, fit into the clothes I wanted to wear, and had a sort of "invisibility cloak" that exempted me (for the most part) from public scrutiny. Now, I have to adjust to a completely different set of life experiences and expectations for what my day is going to look like. I find myself wanting to stay inside, avoiding the awkward encounters.

Recently, I REALLY got to thinking. What would I tell a student who felt judged for his or her appearance? I'd advise them to tell people how they felt. Have I done that? No, I haven't. My instinct was to protect the jury from embarrassment or guilt by being "nice." I also felt that their judgment of my body had to be right, so it became my inner monologue. I started to worry so much about hearing those words that when they happened, it confirmed the ever-booming voice in my head: "See, there IS something wrong with you."

Check out these sections of my website:
Classroom-Based Counseling
Small Group Counseling
Individual Counseling

At my District Leadership Team meeting this evening, we opened with this very entertaining and also VERY enlightening video from TEDx Talks. The presenter, Shawn Achor, discusses how happiness can positively impact our lives, including how successful we feel at work, home, and beyond.

I think this would be a great video to show at a staff meeting or to cut into segments to discuss with older students. I would like to use these concepts to help my 6th graders, in particular, find better ways to deal with stress, disappointment, frustration, and failure. There are some aspects of the talk that may be inappropriate for your intended population, so be sure to view and decide which sections, if any, you'd like to share with those specific individuals.

Just watch. You will be glad you did.

Let me know your ideas in the comments section! :)

I've been meaning to write this post for a while now, but haven't been able to find the words to adequately express my thoughts on the subject. Gifted Education is one of those topics that causes my head and heart to merge, creating a swirl of ideas, memories, thoughts, and feelings. Flashes of my old classrooms and peers pour into my mind, pushing all rationality to the bottom, almost as if I'm drowning in the past.

Okay, this is a little dramatic, but hey, I'm a little dramatic.

The rest of this post is just a snapshot of my thoughts on the subject of Gifted Education and may not be particularly useful, but I still wanted to put it out there.

When I was in 3rd grade, I remember being isolated from the rest of my class so I could work on different assignments. In 4th grade, I began our district's Gifted Education program (G.A.T.E.). I was taken out of my classroom 2 days a week to practice critical thinking skills and spend time with other kids who qualified. I don't remember having any of this explained to me. It just became a part of my school life.

I loved my G.A.T.E. classes and wanted to share what I was learning with my friends...it turns out that they did not want to know. In fact, my closest friends made fun of me, hid from me at recess, and I remember crying almost every day at school. I started to feel like standing out was a bad thing because it made other people uncomfortable - it made you lose friends, a currency worth more than gold in the school world. I began to slack off by rushing through my homework, quitting my favorite clubs or groups if my friends didn't make the cut, and pretending like I knew less than I did. By 8th grade, I decided to quit G.A.T.E. and take other lower level classes instead. Since my junior high grades were good (straight A's), no one said anything to me. No one asked why I was doing what I was doing. All I wanted was to fight my urge to push myself and stand out, but felt forced into a little box.   

It took me years to overcome the little voice in my head saying, "Don't make other people uncomfortable." I wish I was able to have the confidence to be my authentic self back in elementary school when the pressure to conform was strongest. I wish someone would have noticed that my tears and my subtle withdrawal was more than just me being a sensitive kid. It was me feeling like I could never fit in no matter what group I was in. I felt like I wasn't smart enough for the G.A.T.E. kids and wasn't cool enough for the rest of my class. I was a misfit, just finding ways to cover up who I really was with different clothes, different hobbies, and a different personality.

School struggles of any kind don't just go away. In fact, as I re-read this post I can't help but want to delete what I've written out of fear of being misunderstood. Feelings of self-doubt and self-loathing are villains that are difficult to overcome without some help, but that's why there are school counselors, right?!

As school counselors, we can help our gifted students (a population typically pushed to the side because they are "easier") find the confidence they need to achieve great things. We can teach them social skills, organization, goal-setting, and stress management. We can be their safe place to vent. We can remind them that even if they feel alone now, it gets better. The world is a big place with big possibilities. They will find lasting friendships with those who will appreciate and challenge them. We can remind them to never give up.

I hope my story feels more educational than self-indulgent. Of course, it DOES feel good to express the feelings I bottled up for so long, so maybe it was a little self-indulgent. I just want school counselors to remember this population of students because it's easy to leave them behind.

Thanks for listening. :)

Davidson Institute for Talent Development www.davidsongifted.org
Jim Delisle www.creativelearningconsultants.com/jimdelisle.html
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