Making and Keeping Friends

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Kindergarten - 2nd Grade

I often provide small group lessons to help students make and keep friends. Each small group gets 6 sessions. These lessons can easily be adapted for older or younger students.

Lesson 1:

We begin with a review of the rules and purpose of the group (making and keeping friends). Then, to build group rapport, we play a get-to-know-you game that I created: Jungle Fun. I used cardboard, construction paper, and stickers to create the game. Game pieces are Legos.
Directions
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Me Cards
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You Cards
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Lesson 2:

Our second session starts with a review of our rules. We also set a goal for the number of "happy cup" points we want to earn. I have students work on an activity from Colorful Counseling (whichever one I think best meets the group's needs). Students share their work. I keep a copy for my records.

Lesson 3:

After a quick review of our rules and goal-setting (points), we begin our third session. We play Bright Spots. Students finish the sentences and I record their responses. Then, I quiz the students to see how well they were listening to each other. Every correct answer earns a point in the happy cup.

Lesson 4:

After a quick review of our rules and goal-setting (points), we begin our fourth session. I have students work on an activity from Colorful Counseling (whichever one I think best meets the group's needs). Students share their work. I keep a copy for my records.

Lesson 5:

After a quick review of our rules and goal-setting (points), we begin our fifth session. The focus of this lesson is learning how our attitude affects our friendships. To do this, we watch two clips from Beauty and the Beast. One is showing how grumpy Beast can be and the other showing his softer, more thoughtful side. Students reflect on their own behavior on a workpage. I keep a copy for my records.
Beauty and the Beast Workpage
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Lesson 6:

This is our final lesson. We look back on our work and reflect on how far we have come. I remind students about our rules and let students know that if they have more points in the happy cup, they not only get their regular rewards, they also get to pick a prize from my prize box. I have dollar store items (i.e. Playdough, markers, etc.) for students to choose in addition to "free" items like coupons to eat lunch with a friend in my office. We typically play Jungle Fun again to see how much we have learned about one another since the group began. Refer to Lesson 1 for more details.

3rd Grade - 6th Grade

I often provide small group lessons to help students make and keep friends. Each small group gets 6 sessions. These lessons can easily be adapted for older or younger students.

Lesson 1:

We begin with a review of the rules and purpose of the group (making and keeping friends). Then, to build group rapport, we play a get-to-know-you game called Whoonu. I pre-sort the cards to have the best matches for my group. Students may need help reading the cards, so I always jump in and help so that no student feels uncomfortable.

Lesson 2:

During the second session, I have students work on an activity from Colorful Counseling (whichever one I think best meets the group's needs). Students share their work. I keep a copy for my records.
*I like using the similarities and differences Venn Diagram. We divide into pairs to complete the activity, then share as a whole group.

Lesson 3:

For the third lesson, we play "Compliment Circle," an activity where group members must provide positive feedback for everyone in the group. I start by giving every student a piece of blank paper and having them write their name at the top. Then, everyone passes their paper to the person on their left. The students write something positive about the person on their paper. When everyone is finished, we pass the papers again. This continues until the students have written on every paper but their own. Before the compliments are revealed, I have students discuss how they are feeling (anticipation, worries, etc.). Then, students read their compliments. Again, we reflect as a group on the peer feedback and discuss how this could positively impact our friendships.

Lesson 4:

After a quick review of our rules, we begin our fourth session, which involves creating "friendship bottles." This is a two-part lesson. The first lesson involves students picking which confetti pieces (different shapes) that describe their positive qualities. After students select their shapes, everyone describes what each piece symbolizes. I write down their responses for my records and put the confetti into empty water bottles, labeling the top of each one with the students' initials.

Lesson 5:

Lesson 5 is a continuation from Lesson 4. Students receive blank strips of paper to create their friendship bottle labels. As students work, I use food coloring to dye everyone's water in their bottle (color based on student preference). I then glue the lids shut with rubber cement. When all the bottles are finished, labels and all, we shake them up as reminders of our positive qualities and friendship skills.

Lesson 6:

For our final lesson, we look back on our work and reflect on how far we have come. As an extra reward, I have a prize box with dollar store items (i.e. Playdough, markers, etc.) for students to choose in addition to "free" items like coupons to eat lunch with a friend in my office. We play Whoonu again to see how much we have learned about one another since the group began. Refer to Lesson 1 for more details. If time allows, we stand in a circle and toss a beach ball to each other, sharing something we appreciated or learned about during the group.

Additional Lessons

If you need more sessions or perhaps more of a variety, here are some additional lessons for you to try:

Metaphor Basket

I got this idea from Pinterest (I find myself saying that a LOT).

You can have students in your group pick objects that symbolize various feelings or situations they experience at school. Then, they share their interpretation with the group. Good opening activity.

Animal Friends

I use these flash cards to discuss the judgements we make about other people. We explore this by picking one animal flash card that seems like a good friend, then reflect on why we judged the animal that way. Perhaps the animal was smiling or seemed happy, etc. Then, we pick an animal that seems like a "bad" friend; students usually pick the scariest looking animals. This is the perfect opportunity to reflect on the judgements we make (whether or not they are fair) and the judgements that people might make about us when they see how we look and behave, both of which affect our ability to make and keep friends.
Workpage
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Animal Projection Technique
The St. Louis Center for Play Therapy Training blog offers a lot of great information on play therapy techniques and credentialing.

This particular video shows an animal projection technique that can be used in small groups or during a classroom lesson (dividing the class into groups). The purpose of the activity is to help students identify their thoughts and behaviors and to reflect on how they interact with others.

View more play therapy instructional videos on Pam Dyson's YouTube channel.
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For the Birds

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One of my favorite Pixar short films is called "For the Birds." It's about a group of birds with poor social skills. I use this film to discuss the types of behaviors that students see or engage in at school. The worksheets are a great way for students to express how they would respond to these situations.
For the Birds Worksheets (PDF)
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Boundin'
I know I say this all the time, but Pixar is one of the best resources for school counselors.

"Boundin'" is part of Pixar's short film collection. As described on Amazon: "A shearing leaves a dancing sheep humiliated until a jackalope passes by and demonstrates that it's what's inside that counts."
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I use this short film with my small groups to help build positive relationships. After viewing the video, we discuss how the sheep felt and how the jackalope was a good friend. Then, I give each student a workpage (above). I write a group member's name on each student's paper, then explain that they must write and/or draw something nice about that person. In this way, they are acting like the jackalope, helping their group friends feel good about themselves. 

Once everyone has finished their work, we share our words and/or pictures one at a time. Then, I ask for the receiver to say how they feel after hearing the positive feedback - I record their response at the bottom of the paper. I make copies of the projects for my own documentation, but let the students keep their originals, which serve as a reminder of how valued they are.

The video is also great with individual students who may focus on the negative aspects of their life or have anxiety about the bad things that could happen. The jackalope shows the sheep that bad things happen and sometimes, you just need to keep moving forward until you feel better again; you can't let every little thing get you down.

Partly Cloudy

"Partly Cloudy," as you can see in the trailer below, is about a world where clouds create little bundles of joy (babies, puppies, kittens, and other adorable creatures) for storks to deliver to loving homes. However, within this sugary sweet world lives a gloomier cloud who likes to create more unique and, at times, unappreciated gifts, such as sharks, crocodiles, and porcupines. This cloud's poor stork is visibly exhausted and falling apart at the seams. One day, the storm cloud's stork friend flies to a neighboring cloud - when old gloomy sees this, his thundering anger builds and his rain tears fall. But, have no fear! The weakened stork returns with a bundle of his own: a helmet and shoulder pads to help make the journeys easier.

So, how could a school counselor use this story? I think there are two excellent ways.
1. The storm cloud has a hard time expressing his feelings, so this movie could spark discussion on how to positively manage strong emotions.
2. Sometimes students who are outside the mainstream are confused why the general population doesn't reach out to be their friend. I think "Partly Cloudy" could help these students reflect on the importance of the quality of their friends vs. the quantity. Being unique is great, but it can also make it more challenging to find great friend matches. It's hard being friends with someone you don't have anything in common with, so naturally, if you think and act outside the box, then you'll have fewer great friends at your disposal. Therefore, you need a plan for how to seek out the right peers.

I created two workpages (below) that could help students organize their thoughts and create a plan of action for finding and developing positive friendships.
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A Sincere Compliment
For my older groups (4th-6th grade), I show this video (left) and we reflect as a group. How often do we hear all of the negative things about ourselves? Do we hear compliments too? What does it feel like when someone says something nice about us?

We then create a "secret agent" group name so we can be like the Westhigh Bros. For the next two sessions, we write a special note to every student in our class(es), dividing up the students amongst the group members. The comments MUST be sincere and meaningful - not, for example, "I like your shoes."

Then, when all of the letters are finished, I sneak them into the students' desks before school one morning. I even write a letter for my own students and their teacher(s), so they have their very own surprise.

One Man Band
How often do students come to you with friendship problems? My guess would be VERY often. A common issue I see, especially as students get older, is the friendship triangle, where someone is always left out. In many cases, one student feels pulled between two friends he/she likes and doesn't want to choose which one to play with.

One Man Band offers a comical depiction of that "stuck in the middle" feeling. This short film would work as a perfect discussion starter.

For an additional friendship triangle activity, check out my Dear Tim page. My poor puppet friend is having the same problem. :(

Day & Night
Day & Night is a thought-provoking movie about two completely different people who have a hard time getting along. There are, however, two potentially inappropriate parts of the film that I think you should know about. First, there is a scene when one cartoon is punching the other. Second, there is a scene when one cartoon is oogling a girl in a bikini. Besides those concerns, Day & Night is pure genius and great for our elementary students.

A wonderful follow-up activity would be a friendship venn diagram.
The film, in essence, is a moving venn diagram, so how perfect is that?! Students could be divided into pairs to complete this task. You can use a basic diagram (left) or a cutesy one from Mar*Co's Colorful Counseling activity book (one of my favorites!).

Shaun the Sheep

Shaun the Sheep is a cute character from Aardman Animations. On the Shaun the Sheep YouTube channel, you can find short videos that your students will love. I use them in my small groups to reflect on positive school behaviors and interpersonal skills. When students earn a "lunch in the school counselor's office" reward, sometimes I show these clips while we eat. Each clip sparks great group discussion about what it means to "play fair," show good sportsmanship, treat others with respect, and more.
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